Corner....Free Beer.....Give us a
Mercedes....Gig Guide....Val the Viking
Some surf while others trawl
"...if you don't make 'owt you don't earn 'owt"
Well here we all are again, and this time on the net! God the whole world could be reading this - that's if you believe the creed of the new e-commerce and the share-rich dot.com companies.
All that money and no product! I've always held firmly onto the belief that if you don't make 'owt you don't earn 'owt. Why do I think that people who buy shares in dot.com companies will end up like the daft sods that bought shares in a diamond mine conveniently stuck miles from nowhere in the middle of the Australian outback? When the shareholders eventually got there all they found was a large empty hole in the ground and a jolly swagman playing with his billabong!
"I love the bloody thing, and so does my phone company!"
Don't get me wrong, I'm a net fan. My own little bit of cyber space has been lurking around for four or five years now. I love the bloody thing, and so does my phone company. I get lost for hours surfing around, jumping from one link to another. It's bloody amazing what's out there...
The Internet is truly infinite, not only in a physical sense but also in its diversity. Out there on the net are millions of web sites catering for every need, hobby, interest, taste, or fetish - no matter how strange! From train spotting to fishnet stockings, from racing pigeons to mud wrestling, from new age cures to the Anglo Saxon Chronicles, everything you ever need, and lots of things you don't, are all out there.
"go anywhere your imagination takes you"
On the net you can go anywhere your imagination takes you. One minute you can be checking out what Clinton's up to by logging onto the web site of The White House at www.whitehouse.gov then, at the mere click of a mouse, take a walk around another famous American institution by visiting the Simpson's house at http://www9.50megs.com/page2b/.
"kill the bloody wizard and finish that computer game you've been stuck on since 1997"
One minute you can be exercising your wrist while looking at naughty pictures of some bored housewife (http//:margrethe4u.nightsites.com - a strange lady who seems to get off by posing with blue neon lines over her face), or discover how to get that potion from a dwarf that you've never been able to find, kill the bloody wizard and finish that computer game you've been stuck on since 1997, simply by downloading a walkthrough at http://gamesdomain.co.uk/directd/index.html
"There's all human life in there"
Talking of games here's a good one. Think of a word, any word, and type it into a search engine. Then, when a list comes up, go to any site at random, then bounce from site to site...link to link.
At the end of a couple of hours you've experienced more of life (albeit via a computer screen) than our grandparents ever dreamt was possible. It's like the old News of the World used to say "There's all human life in there."
"fingernail chewing 'n' spitting action"
And these days it's not just still pictures you can get - the net talks to us. While you're surfing around try logging onto one of thousands of radio stations.
From Virgin Radio to some bloke broadcasting from a tin shack in the middle of the Navaho Desert, you can hear thousands of stations in hundreds of countries. The bad news is that they all seem to play Fleetwood Mac and Steely Dan!
But when it comes to sheer fingernail chewing 'n' spitting action, try tuning in to http://www.apbnews.com/scanner/index2.html. It's a scanner site that can plug you into any police broadcast in most towns of the USA. Now, tucked up safely in the comfort of your own home you can listen to the real heat of the street. Sip your coffee as you listen in live to drive-by shootings, drug busts and traffic accidents. They even give you an explanation of the codes. No longer does 20/20 mean two portions of sweet and sour pork. Now, for the first time in our lives, we really know what the hell Starsky and Hutch have been on about for the last 30 years.
"Starsky lies dying in a hospital and Hutch vows revenge"
Of course if you bother to check out the sites at http://www.zebra3.com/ or http://www-personal.umich.edu/~llarkins/green.html, there you'll find them in all their 70s glory. I never realised that the entire show ran to 88 episodes. Or that the last one was called Sweet Revenge. In it Starsky lies dying in a hospital and Hutch vows revenge on the man who ordered his death. It was transmitted in the USA on 15 May 1979 at 10pm - and I bet there wasn't a dry eye in the house!
"Lets go surfing now, everybody's learning how"
And that's the thing about the net. No matter how esoteric your interests are, there's a place where you and people like you can go and get your daily fix. Anyway I'm off to get my anorak on and go surfing...
As the Beach Boys once said: "Lets go surfing now, everybody's learning how..."